Give them roots and wings

Discussions on the declining birthrates have started again.  It seemed that we are so short of ideas, that we are now trying to “think out of the box”.

MP Janice Koh suggested that the government “should not rule out strategies that worked in the Nordic countries just because a large number of babies there are born to unwed mothers.”

A year or two ago, some friends and I were talking about the same topic at a wedding dinner.  Someone suggested that we “institutionalise” reproduction.  He said, “Since the Government wants babies, let’s do it the factory way.  Have the mothers reproduce, and after that, the Government takes over and raises the children”

It sounded so wrong to me, but I could not think of the reason why.  I think that Jeremy Au Yong who wrote the ST article ‘Boosting birth rate, but at what cost?’ on 11 Jul 12 gave me the answer. He asked: “To what extent should we compromise on our values in our pursuit of babies? Should we pursue more births as an end in itself, or do we also need to care about what kind of society we end up with?”

The recent publication by the bishan-toa payoh town council has an article titled ‘When will children stop giving problems to their parents’.  I must say that it was a depressing read, although the article focused on advising parents on how to deal with the situation. 

I quote :-

“Unfortunately, no matter how well parents may try to raise their children, when they reach adulthood there will be some even among the sweetest ones who will change.  They grow up to be inconsiderate human beings not only to others but even to their parents.”

I will not be surprised if this article turns more people off having children.

I can understand why people choose not to have children.  It is a very demanding role, with no guaranteed results or returns.  As parents, we always hope that our children will grow up to love and honour us, and if not to support us financially, at least to provide some emotional solace.  We also believe that if we love them much, and treat them well, they will grow up to love us much and treat us well too.

I have the same hope, and I strive to teach my children well so they would understand gratitude, among other things, but I am realistic and prepared for other outcomes.  

I strive to give my children wings, besides roots, so who is to tell where and how they would fly?

Today’s society is not kind to families.  As I have written before, children need time to mature.  Parents need time too, to patiently listen to their children, gently nudge them towards the correct direction, inspiring them through stories, letting them come to the right conclusions, through their own personal revelations.  

We think we do not have that time, and that our children do not have that time.  But actually we do.  We just choose to use that time elsewhere, that’s all.

I do not have any specific policy suggestion for the Government on how to boost birth rates. I would only ask that the Government not make it too easy for parents to decide to have children.

Raising children is not easy, not to mention raising children well.  It is difficult because it requires us to put another peron’s interests and welfare above our own.  It requires us to change, from the inside out.  It gets more difficult, not easier, as the children grow older, because there is no easier way to lose our children’s respect, than hypocrisy.  It will be irresponsible for anyone to make it too easy to start.

We must all do our own calculations.  Parenthood, just like marriage and many other things in life, is a gamble.  We stake our lives on it, do our utmost, and hope for the best.

The future of the Singapore society and humanity itself comes at a price.  The Government does not have what it takes to pay it.  It is the joint responsibility of Singaporeans, and people who care for the existance of man.

If we do not pay it now, we will have to pay for it in future, because the soceity will change according to the choices we make today, and it may become one in which we will not enjoy living in anymore.