Give them roots and wings

It took me a while, to decide on whether to write this post now, since this particular dream has not completely come true.  In the end, I decided to write it now, because coming this far is already a marvel for me, and I am relishing in it.  Most importantly, the complete dream may not come true, and there are important messages which I would like to share with this experience. First, let me share my personal perspective.  Then I will follow up with another post on the parenting messages I wanted to share.

Elkan is participating in the NUS High (School of Maths and Science) Direct School Admission (DSA) exercise.  He made it through the first round of Selection and will be attending the Selection Camp this coming Saturday.

I have previously mentioned briefly, that Elkan is very bright.  He has been so since young, although we did not realise that in the begining.

Elkan wrote this when he was 6 years old. He remembered a Winnie the Pooh story which he watched, and wrote it down.

Another creation of Elkan at age 6. He drew his own version of a world map. He had a country named Jarebileshantyfirymongo

This is one of my favourite drawing of his.  I think he did this at age 6 as well. He drew 4 speed dials.  I was impressed because he patiently drew out the speed mark, from 0 to up to 200 for one of them. (Sorry for the poor quality of the scan).

In the early years, my husband and I were not very kiasu parents and did not compare milestones with other parents.  We were both working full time and did not have time nor much opportunities for those types of comparisons.  Besides, we thought children were simply meant for us to enjoy, so that was mainly what we did.  It was wonderful having children who were easy to teach (Elkan) and who spoke early (Elias) and we had fun playing all the time.  Of course we thought they were geniuses, but our rational side told us that we were probably just biased.

We did not capitalise on Elkan’s intelligence because there were some behaviours he exhibited which troubled us – he was obsessed with spinning objects and spoke haltingly.  For a long time, we were worried that he was autistic, although he was very sociable and responsive towards us.  As as result of that, we were simply relieved when he fitted well into Primary School. 

He did well all through his primary school years, but I always thought that he was underachieving.  He did not do spectacularly well in his upper Primary level, although he remained among the top two classes in school.

He is not good at organizing himself, is very careless, and simply did not care much about scoring in the examinations.  Once he did his Maths examination paper with his left hand, because he suddenly decided that he wanted to be able to write with his left hand and chose to start practising then.  We were also not pushy when it came to results, because we knew that he knows his work and results do not matter to us.

Despite his lacklustre school results, we knew he was exceptional.  He has an amazing memory, recalling many events in great detail, and many conversations verbatim.  He is a good chess player and has always enjoyed mental challenges.

There was a period of three months when we sent him for Maths Olympaid training, and he loved it, choosing to skip an outing on board a friend’s boat instead of missing a lesson.  He is now reading through a book on ‘Matter and Chemistry’ which his teacher lent to him – he zooms through the pages amazingly quickly, and he understands all that he reads.

His thinking is matured and has a lot of depth. (For example I wrote about how he deals with bullies).  It is a delight to have a child like that to speak to everyday. (He delighted me when he asked me about whether we will find each other in heaven).  It is also mostly from him that I get the child’s perspective, which is extremely useful for my parenting education and counselling.

Anyway, his PSLE year came and we thought we had better start being concerned with results, since all that determines his future in the next 4-6 years is that one single thing – his T-score.  It was more difficult than we thought it would be, because he was not used to much drilling, and for us, our heart was not into turning our enthusiastic and creative child into a quiet and depressed study machine.

When we visited NUS High during the Open House, Elkan liked it. We decided to try for the DSA in June.

By then, I had gotten tired of the PSLE preparation, and dropped all of Elkan’s tuition (which lasted only for 2-4months) except for English and Chinese Creative writing.  I decided that it was too high a price to pay, for that 10-20 points to get him from 230/40 to 250/60 and beyond.  To get Elkan to score really well, I would have to sacrifice my time for Elias and Samuel, and also deprive them of their beloved eldest brother and favourite playmate.

Samel adores his eldest brother

Elkan loves his youngest brother too. He often says to him : “You are so cute!”

Samuel loves to play with his Gor Gor Elkan.  Elkan will always oblige him. Elkan needs to carve out time every day to play with Samuel. On days when he is busy, it will be 5 minutes.  On good days, it will be half an hour.

I told a friend, that I will just let my children ride on their “natural intelligence”.  Indeed, to make it past the first stage of the NUS High selection, is testament of Elkan’s natural intelligence. The NUS High DSA selection process is not something which can be mugged for, and except for a period of Maths Olympaid training (which we stopped because we could not afford it), and a Maths Olympaid book which we bought for him two days before the test, he had no preparation.

I am now getting Elkan to do some last minute of reading to prepare him for the ‘English’ section of the Selection Camp! (Samuel insisted on being part of the photo :))

This is not spoken in pride – natural intelligence is something no one can take credit for – it is simply God-given.

We do not need him to get into NUS High to prove how good we are as parents or how wonderful we are as people (since that does not prove that), and we will love him no less.  But I pray and desire for him to get in, because I believe that it will give him much joy in his teenage years.  Elkan has a hunger for knowledge which my husband and I are unable to feed, and questions which we are unable to answer.

Elkan is a happy and contended boy.  He does not complain or demand much.  He is a trusting boy (so far) and will quietly do what he is asked to, and live his life.  That is why my heart will ache for him, if he does not get what his heart’s desire.  However, knowing him, he will just move on, and try again at Secondary Three, if that is still what he wants.

Whatever the outcome, he will be happy.  Isn’t he lovely?  So in a sense, I am already living a mother’s dream.