Give them roots and wings

Edmund and I have recently been granted approval to be foster carers.

(Foster carers help to take care of children whose next of kin are unable to do so. The child will live with the foster family. More information and resources on fostering will be provided under a new page “Fostering  in Singapore” on this blog. In the meantime, please refer to this for more details).

I had wanted to write about this only after a child has been placed with us but something happened last night and this morning that prompted me to write about it now.

Last night Edmund and I had a tiff. My August photos have apparently been lost because he was doing something to the home computer. I was very mad with him because to a blogger, PHOTOS ARE VERY IMPORTANT!! I fell asleep in a rather agitated mood.

I woke up this morning with a dull, sinking feeling. As I slowly regained consciousness I remembered that it was because I lost the photos. Strangely, my spirits lifted. I was so happy!

The feeling of dread was so awful that in my half asleep state, I thought something really terrible had happened. But no, I did not lose my husband, a child, a job or a  dream. I just lost some photos. What a relief!

That reminded me of an emotion I had in the first year I became a mother. Elkan was sleeping on his own, in his own room by the time he was 6 mths old. Sometimes he would cry in the middle of the night and I would run over to his room, to pat and comfort him, and he would fall back to sleep.

One night as I was speaking tenderly to him, it suddenly occurred to me that somewhere out there, there was a boy who was just as lovely as him but when he cried, no one would go running to him. Perhaps he was in a children’s home, or nobody at home had the capacity to care for him.

I started to cry.

I imagined that the boy would cry and cry but eventually fall asleep from exhaustion.  Maybe the boy would dream that he was back at home or that his mother was smiling at him, hugging, kissing and playing with him.

But then he would wake up realising that it was just a dream, and remember his life as it was, feeling the same dread that I felt this morning. But for him, the dread would be real and would remain. And perhaps he would have the same dream every night, and feel the same dread every morning as he wakes.

I cried and cried that night, for that lonely, loveless boy.

It has been more than 10 years since that first night, but I had wept for that boy many times over the years, and I am still weeping for him now as I am writing this. I knew since that night, when God first placed that child into my heart, that I want to provide a home for someone like him one day.

We spent the last 13 years raising our own 3 boys. They are such a joy to us. But the happier we are as a family, the more I thought about how much love we can share with that little boy.

I love to watch the children play on the bed.
There is something so secure about pillow fights…
But what I really enjoy most is to watch them sleep.
Seeing them safe, resting, and at peace fills my heart
with an overwhelming sense of contentment and gratitude for all that we have.
Having a safe home is a basic human right.
No child should be deprived of that.

We started talking to our boys about fostering more than a year ago.

We wanted to foster while the boys were still young, because I wanted also to provide a sibling environment for the child. I think that peer influence is so important, and it is our hope that our children would be good role models in socialising the child.

Another reason I wanted to foster was that I wanted my children to learn to share, and to become acquainted with pain and suffering.

It took many months before every one of them opened up their hearts, and agreed to bringing another child into the family. They were concerned about having to share our love and attention, and their toys and sleeping space.

But I continued to pray and once in a while, my son would bring up the issue, at his own initiative, asking questions, thinking of solutions, and I knew that God was working in his heart.

Finally he was ready, and we applied and went through the assessment process. In July we received our approval to be foster carers.

The assessment process took many months.
The Ministry is very careful about whom they approve as foster carers.
Even the children and our helper were interviewed.
The children were very cute when interviewed 🙂
“What would mummy do when you are naughty?”
“She will SCOLD us…”

Actually I do not look forward to having a child placed with us. To have a child placed with us would mean that he had to be taken away from his own family, and that is such a traumatic thing for anyone, not to mention a young child.

But the reality is such that there are children who HAVE to be taken away from their own family, because this is a broken down world. In fact, there are babies now in the hospital, and at times children as young as 3-4 years old in Children’s Homes because no foster home could be found for them. (How sad!)

Given that situation, and since it is ALWAYS better for the child to be in a home than an institution, these children need temporary homes.

I am glad that we are finally in a position to love and to provide a home for another child.

But we do not set out to be a “saviour” in making the child happy, successful or good. Those things are not within our control.

We just want to let the child know that he is special and deserving of love, because we are going to adjust our lifestyles so we can love him.

One of the things we did was to get another double-decker bed,
so that the bedroom can now accomodate four boys.
I also cleared out some cupboard space,
packed some of the boys’ old clothes
and bought some new stuff for him. 🙂
We would also have to adjust our schedule
so we can accommodate the care of a new child (e.g. his schooling needs)
and to help him to stay in touch with his kin.

I do not even expect the child to be grateful to us for what we do. He is just a child. I have three children, I know what they are like. They will one day mature, and make me very proud, but before that, my job is to be the mature adult, and allow them to be the growing child.

I just want to keep him safe, and fill his heart. I do not expect anything in return from him.

Life is imperfect, because human beings are imperfect. Wrongs will be committed but what is more important is this – will the wrongs be made right? If you have the chance to, would you make things right?

If this blog post has touched your heart, and you are keen to find out more, do leave a comment or send me a message.

If you do not yet feel ready, would you keep thinking about it?

(More information and resources on fostering will be provided under a new page “Fostering in Singapore” on this blog. In the meantime, feel free to send me a message if you would like more information.)