Standing up for each other
Recently, Elias told me about how his brother Elkan stood on the side of an ‘enemy’ of his. When I asked Elkan about it, he readily confessed to laughing when the other boy made comments about Elias. He was very aware of the pain he caused Elias but said that he did not know what to do.
So I did a role-play with the boys. I pretended to be the ‘enemy’. At first, Elias played the role of Elkan and I started whispering all sorts of things about his brother to him. He responded by covering his ears and pretending not to hear the boy. Then Elkan played himself. I threw all sorts of nasty comments and tried to turn them against each other. It was fun and wonderful seeing how the boys worked together. When I said to Elkan :”You don’t even like him…”, he said :”Don’t like him?! He’s my brother, there is unconditional love, what s*** are you talking about?!” A grin had appeared on Elias’ face and I ended the role-play.
While the role-play succeeded in repairing the relationship somewhat, and gave the boys a training on how to stand up for each other, it was not sufficient. Three days later, Elkan stood on the side of another boy, against Elias again. He again apologised to Elias, who still forgave him.
As parents, we just need to teach and train, again and again.
I also always make it a point to quickly repair any sign of rift between the boys. They annoy each other on a daily basis, and I do not interfere in their childish tiffs, but whenever I sense a serious betrayal (like in this case), I will step in. We make it very clear that they have to stand up for each other against anyone else, whether they are in the right or wrong. This is because to us, being a family is an emotional thing. Heart over mind.
