He is a big boy now, he can drive fast!
I brought the children to my friend’s father’s wake. I explained to Samuel (5) that my friend’s father died.
After asking questions about why, and trying to understand what death means, Samuel said something which was incomprehensible to me at first. He said “Oh, he is a father now” (referring to my friend). I encouraged him to talk more, and he said “Never mind, he is a big boy now, he don’t need his father, he can drive, he can drive so fast!”.
Children do not completely understand death, but I think that Samuel understands that it is something sad and that my friend will miss his father. But he rationalises that it is ok, because my friend is a big boy – he is a father himself! He can even drive and drive very fast!
Samuel has never seen my friend drive. However, he seems to think that being a father is equivalent to driving and driving fast! I don’t think it means that my husband drives too fast. What I sensed is that Samuel hero-worships his father, whom to him, has the ability to drive fast. By extension, he sees fathers as being capable and independent physically and emotionally.
This is how Samuel sees my friend – being already a father and therefore able to cope without his own father. Or perhaps, that is what Samuel hopes for my friend, otherwise, he will feel too sad for him.
