Till death do us part
Yesterday, I attended a friend’s father’s wake. The father was 90 years old. There were many moving eulogies made by the children and grand children. One part which stuck to my mind was this which my friend shared:-
“Three days before my father died, he said, “奶奶， 奶奶，我爱你” (Nai Nai, I love you). I have never heard him say those words, but he showed it through his actions.”
After many years of being married, and watching marriages around me, I have come to learn that what is most important in a marriage is not love, but faithfulness.
I remember a story I read long time ago. The internet tells me that it is a Korean story. But this is my own personal version:-
There was a woman, who had a violent and cruel husband. She heard about a wise old sage who lived high up in a mountain and she went to consult him. The sage said: “I can concoct a potion for you, but I need the whisker of the tiger which lived on the neighbouring mountain”.
The woman was devastated because – how can anyone get a whisker off a tiger? She will surely die! However, the situation at home became so desperate that she determined to try. So she started preparing food for the tiger, and visited the tiger everyday. At first she just left the food outside the tiger’s lair, but later, she started appearing within the sight of the tiger. Slowly, day by day, month by month, the tiger became accustomed to her presence.
Soon, the tiger became friendly towards her, and allowed her to go near and even stroke his head. One day, while she was stroking the tiger, her hand moved towards a whisker.
And she pulled.
The tiger did not even flinch.
Ecstatic, she ran to the wise sage to hand him the hard-worn whisker. The sage took the whisker, and let it fly off in the wind. The woman was in shock and demanded, “Why did you do that? Do you know how much effort I put in, and how long it took before I managed to get it?”
The sage said, “If you can succeed in getting the whisker off a fearsome, senseless animal like the tiger, why should you not be able to change your husband?”
I read this story when I was just a child, but it always comes to mind in my dealings with people, including my husband. My mother has always taught me “人心是血肉做的” (The human heart is made of flesh and blood). I believe it, and I believe that there is always hope in any relationship, but persevering daily in the face of cruelty and injustice can be so difficult.
In life, it is never the believing that is the hardest – it is the doing.
Anyway, seeing couples who stayed faithful till death do them part, is an inspiration.
