Recognition and Purpose
After what I posted on Sunday, we received a pleasant surprise yesterday in the mail. Elias received a Good Progress Award. It brought tears to my eyes.
On the same day, Elias started his flute lessons. The tutor said that he was very good.
My first thoughts about these two events were this – it is nice to be affirmed by someone else for what we do, especially when that person is someone in authority (like the MOE), or a professional (like the flute tutor).
In yesterday’s Straits Time (Editorial), the editor said this:-
“Kids like to have their names in the paper, even if someone is hurt or killed. That chilling comment, made by a youngster to an American newspaper, reveals one of the attractions of youth gangs : The publicity which gang violence invites satisfies some of the adolescent craving for peer – and adult – recognition.”
Teenagers also crave to do something significant with their lives. In “The Path to purpose”, William Damon said:
“There are many different ways that a young person can stray toward antisocial purpose, but one thing can be said in many such cases: that young person has not had sufficient opportunity to find a pro-social purpose that could preempt the lure of the antisocial one. Any vacuum, whether physical or psychological, will eventually be filled. If we do not provide our young people with positive guidance to inspire their behaviour, they may well seek guidance of a less positive sort“
Although we are all very proud of Elias’ academic progress, and gratified at the recognition, Elias has so far not shown himself to have a talent for academic studies. He has put in effort and learned to be more responsible in his studies, but he does not have the mental and emotional maturity to excel in his academic studies.
This is why we are finally allowing him to take up the flute. Elias loves music, but since music is a discipline which requires long hours of practice, we were never certain that he will be able to manage it without failing all his subjects in school. But after all these years of trying to get Elias to work harder at his school work, with music lessons as a lure, and little results to show, we have decided that perhaps we should just let him take his music lessons, and perhaps from there, he will learn the dedication and focus he needs in his studies.
More importantly, perhaps he can get some recognition and affirmation there, instead of feeling lousy about himself as a student on a daily basis at school.
Of course, we are not going to go the other extreme. Over the years, we have learned not to read too much into everything, for example, just because the flute tutor says Elias is very good, it does not mean he is going to be a child prodigy in flute.
He loves it, and that’s what is important. What makes me happiest is knowing that Elias might have found a passion in life, and a way to pursue it.
He will propel himself. Our job is just to help him fly. ~ Elisa
