How to deal with verbal bullying
Name-callings happen often in school. It can be very distressing, and the more the bully sees that the name-calling affects you, the more he will do it.
Elkan has a very effective way of dealing with it.
Whenever anyone calls him anything, e.g. “You are a b****”. He will ask:”Why do you say that?”.
If the bully answers:”Because you are a b****”. He will answer – “That is a stupid way of answering a question. It is like someone asking – Why is the sky blue, and you say – because the sky is blue. Try doing that for your Science, and see what your teacher says”.
The bully might also say “Because I say so”. In which case, Elkan will reply “Then give me a million dollars because I say so”.
If the intereaction goes on, he simply replies with asking “So”s and “Why”s. In his own words – “You can go on forever with these two questions. After a while he gives up.”
He also has a theory about why this works. His theory is this – “In any war, there is an attacker and a defender. If the war is a tie – who wins? It is the defender. The attacker fails to conquer, and the defender succeeds in defending his country”.
Wow.
Elias tried it, and it worked. The bully was made speechless.
To end the conversation, Elias said to the bully (in a recording voice) : “The pupil you are trying to bully, is not weak. Please try again with someone your own size. Thank you”
It was the boys – 1, the bully – 0.
I find that a better way to answer would be “that’s a intesting statement, tell me who taught you this words or how you get those words?” By questioning and finding the roots cause of the words that the bully spoke, not only help you but help the bully. Of course this will need some counciling skill and is not easy. When we know the root perception of the words spoken, we can help the child to align to the truth. He may not harass you again but what about others? Only when they know the truth, it will set them free.
This is the ultimate compassion truth we should give to our children rather than winning their battle with their speech/arguement to shunt him off from knowing the truth.
Elkan’s reply:”It is better in the sense that it not only repels the bully but it also helps the bully quit bullying. But as you said, it needs counselling skills and it is not easy and some people are too hard-hearted for this method to work. But my method works all the time. So maybe one should try to understand the bully, then one will know which method to use.”