Give them roots and wings

I believe that every parent with more than one child has a secret wish.  He or she wishes that each of their child will be as smart as the smartest, as good-looking as the most good-looking, as loving as the most loving, and as artistic as the most artistic.

Edmund and I see ourselves as very accepting parents, and we enjoy each child’s uniqueness.  However, this desire for each child to be as good as another, is insidious and I believe is something that we will take a whole lifetime to work through.

Yesterday was the 64th National Schools Individual Chess Championship. Elkan is playing one of his last games at the primary school level. Elkan learnt to play Chess when he was 5 years old. He was beating me in the game even then. One reason he constantly beats me was that he plays to win – he will keep playing till he beats me.

Most of the time he simply wears me out. Before I even start the game I know that I will eventually end up as the loser.  He has beaten me even before we start the game.  I don’t play against him anymore, he is way beyond my league.

Elkan at his latest win! We are proud of him!

Anyway, before he left for the competition this morning, Edmund played a game with him to warm him up.  When Samuel woke up, he saw them playing and wanted to play on the board too.

Elkan has taught Samuel the basic rules of the game, and how to place the pieces, but playing Chess is like playing Snakes and Ladders to Samuel. It is just a fun game, not an intellectual challenge. He enjoys the process, and does not play to win.

Honestly, I constantly use Elkan and Elias as a benchmark for Samuel and worry much for him. Elkan and Elias have very different types of intelligence and each of them have strengths which I believe will help through to success in life. Maybe it is because Samuel is still very young and as yet undeveloped, I worry about his chances of success in life.

I like this quote:

“We must not look too soon in the child for the person he will later become” (Rene Voeltze)

It comforts me, and tells me to give Samuel time.

So I am learning, in a new way, to simply enjoy Samuel as he is.  He has lots of fun playing Chess.  We simply make any legal move we like, and calculate only one step ahead.  We “eat” as much as can, and have fun simply moving the pieces and pressing on the timer.  We laugh and giggle through each game.

Samuel loves to move the pieces and press on the timer.

This is a typical conversation when we play Chess:

Mum: I can eat you!
Sam: Don’t!
Mum: Ok, I won’t, because you are my darling boy.
Sam: I am winning!
Mum: Oh no!
Sam: Hey, my horse can jump!
Mum: Yes, my horse can jump too! It’s called a knight.

Samuel is the winner! (I lost on time)

As a parent, my job is not to make my child successful and happy.  These are too many external factors which are needed for that.

My job is to show my child that he can be successful and happy, no matter what cards life deals him.  So I laugh through life with him, and say :”It’s ok, let’s play again!  It’s so fun, right?”

This morning, I asked Samuel to play a game of Chess with me again.  He agreed, then asked:”What if I lose?”  He paused, thought for a while, and said:”Then we play again, ya?”

It’s uncanny, hearing your own words come out of your child’s mouth.  It is inspiring, and humbling.