Choosing the better path
Today’s Forum page had two excellently written letters (Spending time with family builds character, Family bonding hit by weekend schoolwork) about the tension between family-bonding-and-character-building time and schoolwork. It reflects the exact situation which our family is facing now. In fact, I just got off the phone with Elias’ teacher who expressed surprise that he could not finish the homework which was given to him over the weekend as she “did not think it was so much”.
On weekdays, the children spend most of their time and energy keeping up with their school work. Any rest and relaxation they enjoy are in small pockets of time when they are transiting from an activity to another. Therefore, they always look forward to our “Weekend Home Holiday”, although it includes Chinese tuition for Elkan and Elias, and swimming lessons for Samuel.
The “Weekend Home Holiday” is precious to us all because it is when we huddle and snuggle together as a family (we sleep in the same room). We explore the world together both outdoors (cycling late Saturday afternoon, and playgrounds/beaches/parks on Sunday after lunch), and indoors (BBC documentaries on Saturday nights and doing research on our family computer in between).
This weekend we celebrated Elkan’s birthday with a MacDonald’s supper!
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| We were at the “Train” Playground at Tiong Bahru Park. |
We visit friends and relatives (the children’s grandparents, friends’ baby showers, birthday parties, family dinners). We gather with like-minded communities (Church and Parenting/Royal Rangers program). We input values in the children, share our lives and brainstorm ideas to improve our family (family devotion-cum-meeting on Saturday mornings and over our meals [no TV!]).
It is a miracle that in the midst of doing all these things, the children still have time for tuition and to complete their school homework. But they do, and I applaud them for that. But sometimes it is overwhelming. Last night, they both slept at 11pm. Even then, Elias went to bed not completing some of his work. I let him go to bed with unfinished work because I do not see how he would be able to last through another week of heavy workload, without a reasonable amount of sleep (and sleeping for 7 hours a day for a 10 year old is hardly reasonable).
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| Elkan generally does not need much sleep, nor take naps unless he is sick. But today, he is knocked out. |
The children do not always receive understanding from their teachers in school. I am sure some of their teachers frown upon parents like us, who would allow their children to “enjoy” themselves when they are unable to complete their school work.
But who is going to stand by my children when they receive hard knocks in life? Who is going to comfort them when they fall? It is not their teachers, nor their certificates. It is the people who loved and laughed with them; the people who shared food and the world with them. It is the family.
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| Samuel insisted on sharing a cup of water with Elkan. A cup of plain, cold water. |
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| Samuel loves his “Kor Kor Elkan”. He gave his leftover noodles to Kor Kor, and then asked him to “share” back with him. |
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| Elias showing Samuel the mimosa! |
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| Elias holding up the Dandelion for Samuel to blow! |
All these relationships do not come free. There is a cost, and that cost is time.
It can be struggle socially because we constantly have to withstand the spoken or silent criticisms of the majority who thinks “your family is amazing” (reads “ridiculous”). I believe that they think we are depriving our children their best chance at achieving financial affluence and a life of fame, gain and luxury. Or minimally, we are depriving our children of a secured future.
But it is not a struggle in our mind. We are choosing simply to live our life, in its simplicity, totality, and in the “now”. We know that the emotional and mental resilience we are building in our children will serve them much better than anything a formal education can give. We know that we have chosen the better path.
We only hope that as the children grow older, they would have built sufficient mental and emotional resilience to continue to choose the same.
i was glad those letters were published too. but it’s so, so, hard to swim against the current in our “to be average is to fail” society. short of migrating sometimes i really wonder how long i can make my kids swim against the flow.
There was an article written which I liked, about tuition.
I might write a post and quote it one day but anyway, it’s here.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/things-consider-sending-child-tuition-classes-102823408.html
he said this which i really liked “Parents’ fear of failure gets passed on to their children, who grow up thinking that the best path is the one that’s free from failure, risk and disappointment.
But is that really the best path? No, that’s merely the good path, yet it’s also the one that parents unintentionally push their children to pursue. A lot of the time, the best path is the one that’s full of uncertainty and adversity.
That’s why it’s generally incorrect to say that parents want what’s best for their children, because they usually only want what’s good.”
so there are a few things which will help us swim against the current. One of which is to find like-minded people to encourage ourselves, the other is to really know our child. if we really know our child, we will realise that they only have ONE shot at life, and that one shot should be taken at what they are most passionate and talented at. No time to waste to do other things, even if those other things are things which everyone else seems to be chasing. anyway, it’s a complicated issue! 🙂