Celebrating the child for life
I wrote about Samuel’s mini performance at his kindergarten, and about how delighted and proud parents were of their children. In turn, Samuel was so happy and excited to see us.
Before the performance, Samuel was at the back with his friends.
When he saw us, he was so excited, and he walked towards us.
Then he realised that he should stay “backstage”.
So here you see a sheepish-looking, slightly self-conscious, nonetheless very happy boy.
At the end, the teachers encouraged the children to give a hug to their parents.
Happy grandma and happy grand child 🙂
Well, my son did badly. He failed his Chinese paper, and barely passed his Maths. His results were average for English and Science, which were his better subjects.The emotions he caused were of course very different. There was no celebration of a good job done, or a good year.
Some time back, I was having a conversation with a friend, to whom I said that some parents get jaded when their children grow up. Somehow, we no longer celebrate the child’s achievements as much when they grow up. I think parents become a bit disappointed at the realisation that their child is not a genius after all.Somehow, unlike in preschool where the standard for a simple graduation or concert performance is absolute, the success indicator in school is now relative, and set so much higher that children rarely meet it. After all, how many top 5 scorers can there be? And even if you are among the top 5, your parent may think you should be the first. Even if you are the first in the school, your parent may wish you were in the GEP, and then to top the GEP class, and then to be the top scorer for PSLE. (My Favourite teacher forever (FTF) said : Bring them a step closer to heaven, and they ask for heaven).
I think that is natural because expectations go up when the children grow up. But I believe that if we could remain as encouraging to our school-going children as we were when they were pre-schoolers, they will do so much better.
In any case, seeing Samuel and reflecting upon our over-the-top, irrational joy at seeing him do the simple things he did, and appreciating his efforts, reminds me that we should continue to affirm our school-going children’s efforts and to tell them that they matter to us, regardless of what they did or did not do.
Yes, my son did badly for his examinations. So what should I do? I am both the kiasu/kancheong, and the easy-going/full-of-high-sounding conviction mum. I have also been on both sides of the parenting scale – the authoritative Tiger mum, and the permissive Jelly mum. But maybe if I can find the perfect balance, and am more effective, efficient and energetic, like some mums know seemed to be, my sons will be better off. 望子成龙，which parent does not want success for their child? (My FTF said that too)
Unfortunately, I am not that perfectly balanced, highly effective, efficient and energetic mum. I do not pray enough either. Perhaps I did not give them the 龙种， so surely I cannot punish them for not being a 龙.
Today some friends and I talked about how they contemplated suicide when they were growing up, because of the lack of connection with their parents. Others said they contemplated suicide despite the connection with their parents. So what is a parent to do?
As I have written earlier – there is no guarantee of how our children will turn out, and when their lives will end. Given that, there is only one thing I want to do – and that is to love my children, and to enjoy the limited time I have with them.
I love this handwriting workbook I found.
It can keep him productively occupied for hours! 😉
But of course, my dear son, you still have to spend part of your holiday working on the basics and strengthening your foundation. Compared to others who have to go for intensive holiday programmes, I think you have it easy! 🙂
