Give them roots and wings

I just read two articles on the Connecticut shooting. One talks about the relationship between video game companies and gun manufacturers, and another blamed the deaths on gun.

Both video game companies and gun manufacturers, not surprisingly, had their defence.  For video games, there have not been any convincing study on the link between video game violence and physical violence.  (How nice for them).

For gun-rights lobbyists, they said that “guns do not kill people, people kill people”.  What they mean is that it is not the fact that there is a large number of weapons freely available, but that the guns are in the wrong hands. (“What a revelation! Why didn’t we think of that?”)

As a parent, I have two responses to that.  Firstly, my boys, being boys, enjoy play-fighting.  I allow them, but I do not allow any kicking, or the use of any weapon except cardboard ones.

As part of the year-end cleaning up, we discarded a number of cardboard pieces.The boys started making swords and shields with them.

This is because the boys are childish, and can easily be carried away by their playing.  Kicking with their legs, and hitting with a weapon (like a metal ruler) can really hurt and may cause permanent damage.  Simply put, I prevent them from doing harm to others (as this mother – Elizabeth Guzen tries to do).

Secondly, in any sibling conflict, I always attribute responsibility to everyone present.  For those who were involved, there would always be someone who provoked or retorted/retaliated, so those involved can never escape responsibility.  As for the situation when the conflict was between only two of them, but the third one was present, I would always ask whether the third one attempted to stop the conflict. This is because I believe that we are “our brother’s keeper”, and that we should do our part in helping others, including keeping them safe from each other and perhaps themselves.

What this means for a larger issue, is that we need to ask ourselves – “Is there anything I can do to make it better”, instead of saying – “Not my fault” (In Singlish, we may add “Heng ah…”, which means “lucky for me”).

The title of a book I read many years back said it well – “All I really needed to know, I learned in Kindergarten”. Here are the credos the writer espoused:-

1. Share everything.
2. Play fair.
3. Don’t hit people.
4. Put things back where you found them.
5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.
6. Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
7. Say you’re SORRY when you HURT somebody.
8. Wash your hands before you eat.
9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11. Live a balanced life – learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
12. Take a nap every afternoon.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Stryrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup – they all die. So do we.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first work you learned – the biggest word of all – LOOK.” 

I know it sounds simplistic.  These gun owners are adults, not children – they can be, and should be responsible.

Oh please.  We all have the inclination to harm, adult or children. As a sometimes fuming-mad wife and mother, I am glad guns are not allowed in Singapore.  Just as I am glad there is such a high penalty for drug-abuse and drug trafficking (but that’s another story).

It may sound condescending.  After all, I am not in the United States, and I do not understand the complexities of the culture and politics.  There are many people, probably including the mother I mentioned above, who would love to have a gun-free state like Singapore.  But many things are not within their control. Yes, things have become really complicated.  Different people have made it complicated for different reasons.

I am a simple person here so all I am asking, is for some basic human decency – to think about how each one of us can save lives, and make this world a better place.  It is really not that complicated.  We all have a part to play, and life is much more than food and the body more than clothes.

For my part as a parent, I want to teach my children to do right. So in the most recent game which they played, it ended because Samuel was injured by Elias.  He was upset and so the game was over for the both of them.  When Elkan protested, I asked him whether he exercised due diligence to prevent injury to Samuel (even though he was not involved), he responded with a feeble “I did try to ask them to stop…”

The boys LOVE the play-fighting.
Samuel will put on his Helmet (of salvation) and Shield (of faith)
to complement his code of arms.

Despite that, they still do not do their utmost to protect each other.  Of course, because they are work in progress. But they know what is expected of them in the family.
The children did not protest when I ended their game.  They understand that in our family, they are expected to do their utmost to protect each other and that if they do not, it is the end of the fun.

I pray that they will remember this when they grow up, and expand their sphere of protection to other people around them.  My brother is not just my flesh-and-blood brother.  It includes all humanity.