Give them roots and wings

One of the reasons I did not want to have children, is that I was a rebellious teenager.  My mother had a difficult time, and I did not want to go through what she went through.

But in the end, I became a mother three times over, because I fell in love with having children.

While I have really enjoyed the children at every stage of their growth so far, I constantly worry about how they would “change” when they become teenagers.

Now that I have one turning into a teenager, I watch him intently every day.

I must say he is becoming a very interesting person to be with.  I find his transformation really fascinating. His mind has acquired an astuteness which is so new to me, even though at times he may come across as sassy.

I was reading to Samuel the story about Zachaeus.. “and he gave back everything he had stolen”.
Elkan corrected me wrly, “Four times the amount, mum”.
Insulted yet slightly amused, I told him : “I know, I am just reading the words on the book”.
(Well I had to protect my dignity)

He has also suddenly gotten interested in this book “His needs, Her needs”.  It is a book on marriage – Edmund and my book – and it was left out because I was clearing the storeroom.  He found it really interesting but he could not explain why.  I found it really interesting that he has found it interesting!

He has been telling me,
what the top 5 needs of a man and woman is.
What an interesting way for me to refresh myself on this!

I don’t know how he would develop over the next few months and years (it’s only the first month, and he is already quite different!), but I am really enjoying this new him, because he is both engaging intellectually and still touches my heart with his sweet little ways.

He has always enjoyed Ah Mah’s cake, since he was a wee little boy.
This time he commented :”Ah Mah’s cake is not as brown as it used to be.
Is it a new method of cooking?”
Somehow, I found that cute and strange, because it sounded so adult.
Yes, I am weird as only a mother can be.

I think I am enjoying this stage because I recognise that he is no longer fully submissive to me.  He does not want to be forced to do anything.  There is no way I can force him to do anything.  Anyway, I don’t want him to be a person who can be forced to do anything.  I want him to be guided by his inner conscience, and his convictions.

All these free me to a large extent to simply treat him as an equal.  No, I do not abdicate my responsibility and authority over him as a parent.  But I have been taught, that I need to parent by influence and relationship more and more at this stage, and I am finding that I really enjoy parenting this way.

Elkan knows he is changing.  He enjoys his new freedom and independence (something which we gave to him).  He feels empowered.  He is growing his wings.

Do I fear that he will turn away from all the teachings we have given to him since he was young?  A little.  But I can’t hold him.  It would not help him.  I can only help to shape his wings in a way which I believe can help him fly well, and fly in the right direction.  So yes, in a way, I am still directing his life 🙂