A different sort of P1
I have been reading posts from other blogger mothers whose children started Primary one this year. There were happy stories about visits to the bookshops, and heart-wrenching ones about children feeling lost and lonely in school.
My Samuel started Primary 1 this year too. He loves it.
He enjoys checking his time-table, and informing me when he has to wear his PE attire.
He looks forward to Art and Music.
He happily copies instructions from the board (whatever he can),
and diligently passes me instructions from the teacher (doing the best he can).
He enjoys travelling to school with his friend (N),
and enjoys the snacks which I bring them on the drive back.
He loves the school experience.
It should be a happy time for me too, because P1 is really a fun time.
When Elkan and Elias started school many years back, it was easy for them. They could read, and speak both English and Mandarin fluently. They adjusted to school easily, and had no problem writing pages of journal (Elkan could write three pages) by term 1. We all spent the first two years of their primary school days in relative bliss.
The easy, early years!
But for Samuel, I feel a sense of dread everyday. I dread the day when he finds school work so tough, that he does not want to try anymore, like that brief period last year. Elias sometimes tries to introduce some reality into his excited little mind – “Wait till you get to P2… School is not fun at all…”. I too, have said such discouraging words previously to a friend whose child started P1 this year, and for that I regret and repent.
So now I would stop Elias, and stop my own mind from echoing the same thoughts. What good does it do anyone, living each day tentatively, always looking out for a disappointment?
But the fact remains, that Samuel had to work hard everyday, to complete his uncompleted school work, and his uncompleted homework from the day before, and to try to learn to read and spell, both English and Chinese.
There was a day, when he had to do four pieces of work. He could not finish.
Everyday, he would be trying to keep up with his school work.
Despite the challenges which he and I are going through, I am thankful for who he is.
I am thankful for his struggles because through them I learn two things.
The first is this : For many, life is a struggle.
To be honest, I think I have a wonderful life. We do not live a luxurious life, but our lives are care-free, and my children have been a joy.
But because of Samuel, I realised, that some things which came so naturally to many children, take so much effort for him.
I have written previously about how it pains me, but nowadays, I am seeing him more and more with pride than with pain. I am proud of the effort and progress he is making despite how difficult it is for him.
Everyday he needs to sit at his desk.
He would love to go to the playground or play with his cooking set everyday, and to do nothing but play.
But he can’t.
Not that he does not play or rest, but he always has to spend some time everyday at his desk,
doing his work, and being taught.
I am also thankful for him because through him, I learn that encouragement is the best way to help a child grow.
I know that sounds like such a no-brainer, but the truth is, we really don’t believe that, because we often choose to discourage with our words. (“I thought I taught you this just now? Just 5 seconds ago? Forgot again?” “How come you don’t know this? Your teacher didn’t teach you? Or you didn’t pay attention in class?”).
He opened up my eyes to see that often, people do not perform up to our expectations not because they are wicked and lazy (though sometimes they are, but not as often as we think they are). It is because they find it too challenging for them, and they get discouraged and give up.
Through my experience of teaching Samuel, I learnt, that he learns best when he is happy and confident. He desires to please and to feel accomplished. That is often motivation enough for him to persevere.
Pic 1 : I play little pretend games with him, to motivate him.
Each time he does his work, his pet dog would take a step forward,
leaving other “contestants” behind.
Being a relational type of boy, this works all the time.
Pic 2: Reading is getting easier for him, and he is thrilled to find his name in the bible.
Pic 3: The best thing I can do for him, however, is to pray for him.
The fact is, life is a challenge. We all have our different struggles. For this season, Samuel and I are struggling through his literacy. Later in life, it could be something else.
Of course it would be nice if Samuel can breeze through P1 and P2 the way his brothers did. He and I could spend time at the playground, library or in the kitchen baking instead of being in the room trying to sound and blend words.
But he was dealt with a different set of cards. He would have to live a different sort of life.
He is still a very joyful sort of boy. It could simply be because he is still too young to understand and to compare. But even when he is old enough, it would be something I would not want him to dwell upon.
Just live the life you are given, Samuel, and live it well.
I have learnt just by reading your post that I should remind myself not to discourage my child when he goes to primary 1. It is so easy to say those words of discouragement and that I forget that most kids, including my own, perform the best through positivity. They are indeed the happiest when they are encouraged by their parents. Thanks for sharing your insightful thoughts on this.
Thanks Rachel. It was a learning process for me, because I realised that his situation makes him give up easily. I have no choice but to be patient and positive. I cannot effectively help him otherwise.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Elisa. This post really touched me. I think it is human nature to focus on one’s failures rather than strengths/achievements but I think acknowledging this is already half the battle won. Samuel is lucky to have a mum who sees and recognizes his efforts and who chooses to allow him to grow at his own pace. Lucky him!
Thanks for your encouragement Zee. Yes, I have to accept him. I didn’t like being made to feel lousy about who I am not, so I try not to do it to anyone, least of all my own children. But it takes frequent reminders. As a parent, I feel that I abuse my authority too much, too often…
Samuel seems to be doing his worksheets well… from the pictures. All the best. While I am two minds about primary schools, I know of friends’ kids who enjoy school and it didn’t seem as bad as what I have been reading.
A friend recently asked if it’s ok that a child is unable to read at P1. What’s your take on this? Do you think schools provide enough support and encouragement to guide a child at his/ her pace?
Hi Elaine! Glad to see you back 🙂 I always like to interact with you. You ask such serious questions 🙂
Samuel certainly has very good teachers this year. They are so nurturing, patient and understanding. It makes school enjoyable for him. He does his work with a lot of guidance from me.
Well, I think that developmentally, some children don’t learn to read till they are 7. So rightly speaking, the education system should allow for the children to learn DESPITE not being able to read.
I will be in a better position to answer this question next year, or even the year after. I heard from someone, that her child only started blossoming at P3. (!!) For now, I am still waiting to see when he will start reading fluently, and how fast he would be able to catch up when that happens.
But Samuel is not a typical child in two sense. Firstly, most children will learn naturally, with the support the school gives. They do teach them phonics. Samuel has a learning delay, so more intervention is needed for him.
Secondly, he has a mother with him at home, coaching him everyday, encouraging him.
So yes, if it is a normal child, even with little home support, schools do provide enough support, in principle. But we all know, school type varies, and teacher varies. In his current primary school, and given his current teachers, I believe it is sufficient.
But if the child is not a normal child, I don’t think it is enough. For such children, I think A LOT is required – I doubt if a public institution will ever be able to do enough for such children.
I had to stay home, because I don’t see any other way for him – tuition or enrichment won’t help. I can do what I can do because I spend so much time with him, and we have such a close relationship. I use much of the emotional capital I gain from caring/playing with him, when I teach him.
Singapore system is not all bad. But I do think it is important to choose the right school. I like my sons’ primary school because it is a neighbourhood school which gets all sorts of students. It has to work on value-added. It is not highly stressful yet helps students do well.
If you send your child to a school which is HIGHLY popular, chances are the parents are educated, have more money (cos the volunteering for balloting takes up time and money…) for children to go tuition/enrichment and the expectations will therefore be higher, and so the school has less freedom to determine the pace, e.g. slow down for the other students. The truth is, there are very very bright students who are very advanced, and schools do need to strike the balance between the very fast and the very slow.
Of course, I need to still watch and see how it will all pan out for Samuel, but I want to give educators the benefit of the doubt. Yes, I think it will be difficult for him – he needs to be strong and be able to withstand pressure from unkind friends or teachers as he goes higher and people are not as nurturing, but this is something which he needs to learn to deal with eventually. I want to face it head-on with him.
I must also clarify, that when I say that the school gives sufficient support, I do not mean that the child will score as well as any other kid.
For me personally, I am prepared for Samuel to fail in many tests. But I do think that he will learn and grow.