With the much you have been given
This just takes the biscuit. Just when I was telling friends that it is ok not to be able to read by P1, because I chose to believe the educators’ reassurances that my son will catch up in time, MOE announced its Kindergarten curriculum framework which stated that children should be able to read some sight words before P1, among other things. It felt like a slap in the face. (And I believe that is the strongest language I have ever used on my blog!)
Immediately, I thought of doing two things. First, I wondered whether I should pull him out of P1 now (if so, where would he go??). Second, I thought of putting him into the foundation stream straightaway.
I do not need my child to score high marks. I just want him to learn, and grow, and enjoy school.
Yesterday he cried before school, because it was the day for Tingxie. He said he did not want to go, because he did not want to do so many corrections.
While still in tears, he saw the stapler.
He said he wanted to bring the stapler to school.
He wanted to be able to lend it to his teacher when the teacher needed one.
That’s the kind of boy he is. He loves to be able to help and to be able to give.
At first I did not agree, but later I relented and said that he could do it only on Tingxie days.
Is that bribing? I don’t know.
But I wanted to give him some sense of self-worth
– that he could still be a blessing to the teacher, even though he does not know his Tingxie.
He is young enough to be easily distracted from his sense of discouragement. At the end of the day he was cheery again.
In actual fact, he had come back with 5 pages of Maths, and 6 pages of English work to do. I believe they were classwork which he could not finish in class. But he had no idea what it all meant. He just wanted to go to the playground, and asked me why he had to do so much work.
We went to the playground for 30 minutes because I did not have the heart to make him work for 2.5 hours today, something which he has to do often. I know his emotional reserve was being drawn down by the day.
Samuel loves playing “Campervan” with me.
This is us, at the “Holiday Park”. He is “taking a shower”.
In the end he could not finish any of his undone work, because it took me all the time he had left, to coax him to read a passage and prepare for his spelling test today.
Despite all the difficulties he is having, he had improved, and he is learning.
Today we were all very happy. He scored a 4/5 for his spelling test.
I know these are simple words, but he got all the words of his first spelling test wrong.
For his second spelling test he scored 2/5.
Now with a score of 4/5, he has made a 80% improvement over three weeks!
Today’s announcement generated quite a lot of discussion among the mothers. Many of them, like the mothers quoted in the ST articles, felt that the guideline was too basic. I know what they meant. What they meant was that if they were to simply believe MOE, and prepare their children only for that, their children will be behind, because firstly, some pre-schoolers know so much, and secondly, in some primary schools, they need to “write a 5 sentences journal by week 1”, and “are tested on 6 chapters of Han Yu Pin Yin by week 8 “.
They are right to want to ensure their children are more than ready. Everyone wants their child to be ahead.
But if indeed MOE pushes the benchmark up, what is going to happen to my Samuel?
I recently came across this comment by Dr James Dobson of Focus on the Family about grading in school:-
“Through the elementary years, I’ve always felt that a child’s grades should be based on what he does with what he has. In order words, I think we should grade according to ability. A slow child should be able to succeed in school just as certainly as a gifted youngster. If he struggles and sweats to achieve, he should somehow be rewarded – even if his work falls short of an absolute standard. By the same token, gifted children should not be given A’s just because they are smart enough to excel without working.
However, as the student goes into high school, the purpose of grading shifts. Those who take college preparatory course must be graded on an absolute standard. An A in chemistry or calculus is accepted by college admission boards as a symbol of excellence, and secondary teachers must preserve that meaning. Students with lesser academic skill need not take these difficult courses”.
(From the book – “Solid Answers”)
That sounds so good. Is it possible for us to have that?
Before Samuel came along, I had no idea how difficult learning can be for some children. I am thankful for Samuel because he took away some amount of complacency and arrogance from me. It reduced my enthrallment with intelligence and makes me appreciate effort and hard work so much more.
Elkan sometimes complain about how “difficult” some things are, and how much work he has to do. I can empathise with his frustration, and I allow him to indulge in self-pity sometimes. But when I get really irritated with that false sense of hardship, I would tell him :” You have no idea what hardwork is. What comes so easily for you, is not even possible for some children… do you know how much effort your brothers have to put in just to keep up, and they are not even coping sometimes.”
Perhaps this is why I expect so much from him – that he would spend time teaching his brothers. “God gave you intelligence not so that you can have a good and easy life. It is to make life better for everyone”.
Elkan frequently works past 11pm. That is because he spends much of his afternoons reading for pleasure.
Sometimes it is also because he had to teach Elias Maths, and play with Samuel or read him a story.
He does not complain about having to help his brothers,
or having to work late into the night to finish his work.
Somehow, he has the capacity to manage.
I want to teach him, from young, to share some of the natural advantages he has.
It is not for enriching himself. It is to be shared with others.
Anyway, I am so proud of you, Samuel. You had to work so much harder for that which takes other children so little effort.
We will always celebrate the success of others – no matter how easy and effortless it might have been for them. Never begrudge another person’s natural talents. But what matters is not what we have been given, but what we do with that which we have been given.
I think you have been given so much Samuel – parents to love you, brothers to play with, and a home to be safe in.
Tonight, when I was with him in the bathroom, he suddenly turned to me and said :”I love you mum”.
I love you too, son. I love you so much.
I will bear your pain if I could.
But what I can give you, I will.
Failing to meet academic benchmark is hardly anything to cry over. So do much, Samuel, with the much which you have been given.
I really feel your struggles. I almost cried reading that part about Samuel wanting to bring the stapler to school to lend his teacher.
He has such a giving spirit and I pray his school struggles won’t impede that.
I know I was very vocal about te kindergarten curriculum guidelines being too basic. On hindsight, I want to add that actually I feel the whole problem stems from our PSLE expectations. We expect way too much of our p6 pupils such that there is no way else but to force accelerated learning on younger kids.
I believe your Samuel isn’t the only one struggling. Many are.
Many casualties of our system abound and surround us.
For me
I consider the greatest casualties of our education system those who have gotten academic certificates but exhibit poor social awareness, empathy, compassion and apathy.
I think your children are in good place and positioned for real life success with you as their mother. Because you have the right focus and values in place.
Hugs! I hope you will be able to find suitable solutions to help Samuel overcome the system soon. Sometimes they may come slowly. But surely.
HI Sarah, please don’t worry about your comments about the curriculum. We have our thoughts and feelings and it is better to be honest. I am sure at some point in time I would speak the same way, and I may in future too. We speak from our current life stage and experience.
And you are right. PSLE is a placement exam, and it is exactly the opposite of what Dr James Dobson said. I think it should not be. They are too young. My firstborn can do well because he is mature. He is aware of the consequences, and he has the mental strength to discipline himself. My second is bright but he is so immature. It is not a fair placement test.
Yah, agree with you on the apathy, etc. I feel sad for many parents. I tend to take the view that people are unaware. I think many are simply pushed helter-skelter along. Many simply don’t have the time to stop and reflect, and many really don’t dare to do things any different. Easier to flow along with the tide. I feel sad because we are all parents, and we all love our children, and we all want the best for them, and many are just lost, not knowing what is best.
Hi Elisa,
My boy who is in P2 now. He had difficulty to adjust himself in P1 (last year) and could not sit still in school and back home. He, like Samuel, could not understand why he cannot play all day and had to do homework. It had been a challenging year for me last year and it continues this year.
Like you, I let my boy learn at his own pace in midst of all the peer pressure. You are doing a great job mummy! Please keep it up! 🙂
Wow, Ling, it is not easy, you did one year of it! I must hear more from you! 🙂 Parents like us must band together, ya? Support and encourage each other. Maybe if our children get along, they can be friends, and support each other too 🙂
Jia You Samuel!! Praying for you and your mummy – for wisdom and perseverance!
Thank you so much. Samuel is so small, but he already has so many friends and aunties around caring for him. So blessed 🙂
Elisa, yes I like the quote you mentioned by Dr James Dobson. Young children shouldn’t start the “rat race” so early in life. Appreciating their effort and hardwork should be the way. No grading even for young children as it adds unhealthy stress and may even deter them from enjoying learning in school.
Thanks for your inspiring post, once again.
Thanks Dee! I love the quote. Actually I like that part where he said ” gifted children should not be given A’s just because they are smart enough to excel without working”.
If my eldest son ever brag about his results, I would scold him. He is proud of himself, that is acceptable, and we do acknowledge efforts on his part. He has the good sense never to despise the effort that others have to make, in front of me. I hope he is the same outside of the home, haha.
Indeed, anyone’s worth is not determined by academic achievements!!!!
Yes, Cindy! I will just ride through this rough early years with him, where basic literacy skills are so important.
Thank for for sharing your thoughts through this very heartfelt post. I do feel saddened by the fact that there is so much stress imposed on children these days.
To me, values are more important than grades and I am glad to see that Samuel is such a kind giving boy. Grades are not the be all and end all and I think that so long as one is happy and if you have given your best, that’s more than enough. Once you enter the work force, nobody is going to be asking how well you did for psle, for o levels for a levels etc. you will be judged based on your attitude and capabilities more than anything else. And not doing well in school doesn’t mean you don’t get far in life!
I am glad you are such a supportive and understanding mum and I salute you for that!
Yes Zee, so true! At work, people don’t care about the qualifications anymore.
hi Elisa,
thanks for sharing your insights. I got two boys in P4 and P2. Somehow, I feel MOE is still fine-tuning their syllabus, and kids are like guinea pigs.
They have to spend at least 2 hours on homework everyday, and if they do not finish, even have to stay behind after school. It is quite sad that they sometimes cannot join their younger siblings in play.
Each child learns at a different pace and style, definitely NOT easy to coach the kids. We do not need our kids to be doctors or lawyers, as long as they have good moral foundations and are street-smart..
cheers, Andy (SengkangBabies)
Hi Andy!
I think what children are expected to do, differ quite a bit from school to school. My no 2 is in P6 now. He is my second P6 boy. I was telling a friend just yesterday, that P6 is not a fun year. They don’t learn much. It is a year of preparing for exams. Quite boring, I feel. My Sec 1 is enjoying himself. So many new things to do and learn. He is excited over his Home econs, and literature classes. So fun.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I love that you teach your children to share and help others with their natural advantages. It is something I feel guilty that I don’t do enough myself! My heart also aches to see hear how Samuel struggles — it must be even harder as his mum. He is blessed to have you walk him through it.
Thanks. I try not to think much about it. Just do what I can. That makes it easier for me. 🙂