Neither too little nor too much
I have some thoughts about the issue of “over-preparing” children for P1.
There are three characteristics of a typical parent:-
a) Parents are expected to meet the child’s needs.
If my child is hungry, I will feed him. If my child happen to have a bigger appetite than another, I will feed him more than the other child. So why should it be different for the development of the intellect? If my child is hungry to learn, why should I deprive him of knowledge?
b) Parents will do all they can, to help the child along in life.
I am doing it. I do not send my children for tuition, nor push them academically because I do not think these are what they need in life. But I give them lots of other things because I believe those are what they need in life. Even in the area of academic pursuits, I left a well-paying job to sit beside my sons everyday, guiding them, prodding them, encouraging them, to learn. We are no different from the academically-driven parents, except that we are driving our children to different outcomes and perhaps using different methods.
One of the many things I do, is to de-shell peanuts for Elias while he does his work.
There is little which I will not resort to doing, just so that he will do his work.
c) Parents believe in the potential of their children.
An observant parent sees in his child, a vision of his future, something which even the child himself is unable to see. Some parents have an overly unrealistic vision. Wise parents have a realistic vision. But most wretched is the child whose parent does not have a vision for him at all, or who believes little in him. Of course, most of us fall in between – vacillating between being realistic and unrealistic. If a parent believes in the child, he will do everything within his power to help his child realise the vision.
Samuel said he wants to be a teacher when he grows up.
He said : “Because I have a blue pen”.
Oh, the inexplicable, endearing logic of a child.
Samuel, I will miss you so much when you grow up.
Given all these characteristics which I believe a typical parent has, why should we be surprised, or rile at parents who send their children for tuition/ enrichment classes, buy them expensive educational toys, or bring them for yearly overseas holidays for exposure? Perhaps they skew and sabotage the entire education system, but we cannot change human nature.
So the situation of some children being over-prepared for P1, and children from rich family having advantages over those who are poorer, is something which we can never change. To change it will require us to change the instinctive nature of parents and I do not think it is possible. Even if we were to remove exams, parents will still give their children all the knowledge and skills that they can – all that is needed to help their children get a job of their choice, and live a good life. It is not all bad. It helps society progress.
Yet something sounds wrong. Why?
What is wrong is this – in today’s society, some have too much, and others too little.
This is why many can “over-prepare” their children for P1, and others are under-prepared.
The government said this (and I paraphrase) – We cannot stop the top from advancing; we can only try to bring the bottom up.
So for those of us who care about education, and about equity in society, we too need to help bring the bottom up. If parents are unable to meet the needs of their children, if they are not giving their children what they need in life, and if they are not believing in the potential of their children, some of us will need to do it – step up, step in, and fill the gaps. This society is ours. The children are ours.
Those who have much must give up some of what they have, so that those who have too little will not have so little. Not all will. So those who are willing must.
As a mom to a three year old, I can’t help but wonder if it’s really necessary for parents to send their kids for tuition from Primary one. Frankly I shudder at that thought as our kids will not enjoy such a carefree childhood like they ought to when they are burying themselves in books, assignments and all. I love what you said about parents being the one who sees the potential and a realistic potential in their kids and to nurture them to be their best be it academically or not.
Thanks Susan for your comments. This is because you see the importance of play, and the limited time the child has, really, to spend in childhood.
Many parents see the looming future, and they feel that if they do not give their children some, say tuition, their child will suffer. They do it out of fear of the future for their kids.
It is good that you allow your child to play. They really need that.
I cant agree more, Elisa. I find it so ridiculous when PM said ‘dont over prepare our children’. Can we ever do that? If the child is not ready is absorb more than what are given, how could we feed more? If the child is able to absorb more than what were given, why should we not at that? In working world, when a good boss saw yr capabilities, the good boss will give you more challenges to groom you to next level. How is this different from learning in formal or informal education? I simply cant comprehend.
Haha, I like the way you put it. I think that we constantly wish for the society to be kinder to our children, but I think it does not happen that way. There IS a race for excellence and progress, and everyone just has to do their best to keep up.
As parents, we just do our best for our children, and give them hope that they are good people, and they can have a good life. 行行出状元。
The standards are constantly changing and increasing. Tution or no tution is not and issue if the kid does have family support from the start and that they are allowed to grow at their own pace. Unfortunately it is not the case for us in Singapore.
Thanks Dom for your comments. Yes, agree with your point on family support.It is true, that the standards are way beyond some children. No matter how hard the teachers work, some children just cannot get it.
Parents have to be very active - go back to school with the kids. I think it is rather ridiculous. I have not thought of a good response/story on this situation. I hope I will, because it irks me to no end...
And to add that parents often forget or ignore what are the things the children really want to do or to have. In this competitive society, parents often make their child does what the parents want or to go along with the trend, so not to “lose out”. I even have friends told me they felt “no face” if they don’t send their children to any enrichment classes, and must be from a well-known branded chain.
For the less unfortunate group, the children don’t lose out because they cannot attend branded kindergarden or childcare, or they cannot attend enrichment / tuition class. They lose out because their parents do not have time to spend on them. Why? Because their parents spend all their time making their ends meet. It is a vicious cycle. Love and trust are what they need from the parents to “bottom up.
Hi! Thanks for your comment. I know what you mean. I am sure there are such parents around. That’s how some commercial tuition centres continue to make money….
To be honest, I don’t think these parents will be able to do it for long. The child is likely to rebel when he/she grows older. It’s an unwise way to parent.
Actually, I think that even parents who are busy making ends meet, can do much for their children. But they need a lot of wisdom.