Give them roots and wings

I was rather fascinated by Joseph Chong’s article in the Straits Times, about how it takes $900,000 to raise a child.  I liked this part:-

“Based on the Household Expenditure Survey 2007/08 (HES2007) published by the Department of Statistics, Singapore resident households already spend more on private tuition for their children annually than on university fees, local and overseas combined as of 2007. Based on HES2007 and GDP breakdown data, the private tuition industry was already a $1.2 billion industry or about 17 per cent of the Ministry of Education’s budget in 2007. Extrapolating to today, the private tuition industry is probably worth more than $1.6 billion annually.

The education budget increased by 78 per cent between 2005 and 2011, but parents appear to be paying increasing amounts for private tuition, which many complain is necessary because of the way their children are (not) being educated. This is akin to a company whose revenue is surging but shareholders’ losses keep widening. As a professional investor, I would say that something has gone awry.”

He made the calculations based on $1000 per month per child on tuition.  A forum writer said the assumption is unrealistic – not many families spend $1000.  Well, perhaps.

But if not for the fact that I am not earning anymore, I think I would spend about $500 per kid per month, not just on tuition but enrichment (e.g. music, art lessons). In addition, I am now their tutor and that will translate into a loss of income which is definitely more than $3000 ($1000 per child) per month. Well, that’s another story.

But can you imagine?  Households spend more on tuition than on university fees!

A blogger Wilfred Ling wrote this, and I extracted part of it:-

“Traditional financial planning for Education Planning always assumes that the largest cost of education is the tertiary education. These days, that is no longer true. The annual cost of primary education is much more expensive than compared to the annual cost of University. For parents, the lack of funds for the future tertiary education is no longer their concern not because they are rich because they have to figure out how to foot the large tuition bills for TODAY. In other words, Education Planning is no longer to plan for a large cash outlay in the future. Education Planning is about paying for the monthly large cash outlay to the private tuition teacher. I do not see what is the best way to meet today’s large cash outlay given there is no time horizon to save. Perhaps the safest route to having large cash flow to meet this large cash recurrent outflow for tuition is to either become a tuition teacher or do not have kids.”

The last statement was probably written tongue-in-cheek, but I think the concerns among parents about providing this educational support for their children is very real.  This is why so many well-educated couples with high income choose not to have children or have only one, or two.  I nearly did not have Samuel because I was worried about the educational costs.  Samuel came as a result of love over reason.

What is most amazing is that Joseph’s article about the $900,000 actually appeared in CPF’s website (see – here), under Financial Planning!

So, what is the government telling us?  That it is necessary to factor this $900,000 (or say $500,000, let’s give it some discount) before we consider having a child?

It is true.  It takes A LOT to raise a child.  But it is not money which we need.  It is a lot of patience, energy, time and putting aside our own needs and wants.  It is A LOT of hard work.  I have written earlier (Babies come with a price) – that it is actually irresponsible for the Government to give couples too much financial encouragement in the early stages of parenthood and make it too easy to have children.

Recently, a blogger mum shared this parenting article (Six ways parents destroy their children without trying). In particular, I like this:-

“The next best way to destroy your children without trying is to fail to enforce boundaries. It is easy to do—to not enforce boundaries. Just love your kids and believe they will turn out OK as long as you do not create any self-loathing or feelings of rejection like we talked about above. Smile and believe in the innate goodness of their sweet little hearts, and trust that someday they will grow up and take responsibility for their actions.”

Any parent who has tried to enforce boundaries would know how difficult it is to do it.  Imagine years and years of constant supervision and frequent corrections.

I think that the current conversation about having babies is putting too much emphasis on the financial cost of having children.  I worry much more about the dangers which children face today, in society.

Yesterday I read an article which troubled me.  It is about a 26-year old who created a tool which allows surfers to bypass the Media Development Authority (MDA) filters, to access pornography and other sites. He said that “I enjoy my internet freedom and urge all of you to never give that up, let alone to any Government agencies”.

Well, how about giving it up to protect more vulnerable members of the society?  Or perhaps that is someone else’s responsibility?  Bingo! This is exactly what media experts said:-

“With the Internet’s dynamic nature and the growing-tech-savviness among younger Singaporeans, the onus is on parents to teach children healthy surfing habits, rather than depend on external tools. Regardless of the new technology, parents should be more vigilant and instil in their children values and internal control.“

Parents, do you realise how much it takes to do this?  This is something which no amount of money can buy.  Not even $900,000 will buy you a child with healthy surfing habits, instilled with values and with internal control.  No tuition will help.  Having your child in GEP or an IP school does not guarantee this. There is no one who can train your child to be that way.  It takes daily vigilance, and pure hard work on your part.

Parents-to-be.  Do your calculations.  It is not about money.  It is about your willingness to do whatever it takes to raise a child who can make the right choices in the midst of a world which is not doing much to help them live right.

Government.  It is not about the baby bonuses.  It is about creating a society that values responsibility towards each other, as much as individual freedom.

Already parents.  You are it.  You are all that the child has.  You are that which money cannot buy.

Your child is that which money cannot buy.  Your child is more than worth it.