Tomorrow’s another big day
I love the comic strip “Calvin and Hobbes”. I started reading it before I became a mother. I think that reading it prepared me somewhat for my being a mother of three boys…
This is my life now, in essence.
Last night, I had to do some “counseling” (again)
regarding what they did/did not do when my hubby and I were away.
I told Samuel in a very stern voice : “All three of you were naughty.”
Then Samuel reported to his brothers in all seriousness:
“Mum knows that all three of us did wrong things.”
I thought that was so cute.
It made me want to hug and kiss him.
I always forgive them at the end of the day.
I am under their spell…
I really love the Tracer Bullet stories.
Recently Elias gave me a bizarre reason
for why he likes to mess up the house.
He said that he likes to see me fretting over the mess,
calling out to everyone:-
“PACK UP! KEEP YOUR STUFF!….
What’s this? Huh, what’s this? What’s this doing here?…
And how about this, and this? How many times must I tell you?…”
He said he finds it quite amusing.
Oh boy. Grr….
And now I can really relate to many of the stories in the comic strip.
Ahh… so THIS is what happens
when he is sitting at his desk, “doing his work”.
I have learnt to treat with skepticism the statement:
“I am almost done”.
It usually means he has done about 2 out of 10 questions.
But one of my favourite strip was this. 
I first read the strip before I had children. Even as a non-parent, I had felt so sad for Calvin.
This is why I am more prone to be too lenient than too strict towards my children (my children will say otherwise but I think my children’s teachers will agree).
I always think that primary school (and to some extent secondary school) students have it tougher than working adults. Working adults have the option of walking away from their job/boss/colleagues. Students are trapped in the school environment, with teachers/classmates who may be hostile towards them. Yet many children’s cries for help are often left unattended to by parents. We might think they are exaggerating, or that it is good training for them. We may be unaware of their struggles, or are helpless ourselves.
It is the same for me. Sometimes I think that my children are exaggerating, or that it is simply a natural consequence of their own actions, and they should man up to it. Often I simply do not know how to help them. But whatever it is, I do take to heart the unhappiness and distress they feel about school.
So I try to create a fun and restful environment at home, despite my own frustrations and anxieties over them. We bring them out for walks/jogs and I allow them to play even when I know they have lots of work to catch-up. Elias is doing his PSLE this year, and on Friday afternoons he naps, on Friday nights he plays with his brothers, on Saturday mornings he sleeps in and then swims, and on the whole of most Sundays we are out, except for about 1 hour in the night. These are precious study hours, but every one of these activities serve a purpose, and he needs his play-time. I really don’t think I am being indulgent – he is still at that developmental stage and he needs the playtime. I am meeting a very real need in him, and in so doing, building up his mental and emotional resilience.
(If Elias’ eyes looks funny, yes they do. He was doing a cross-eye.
He has still got so much playfulness in him.)
Yesterday I brought the boys to MacDonald’s.
It was fun, both for them and for me.
They enjoy talking to each other.
They are allies, and playmates.
They give each other a special kind of support which I am unable to give them.
Of course everyday, I wonder whether it will do them more good, if I am a mother who believes more in motivating them to achieve, than meeting their emotional needs.
I know many parents believe in hardship for the children now, so they can have a good life in future.
I do too. But how could I scold a son who is listless and moody because he had a bad day in school and could not concentrate? How do I say “no” to a son who wants to tell me about his troubles in school when I am trying to teach him Maths or Chinese? (He said, “I am only telling you these things because you are my mother. If you don’t want me to talk to you, then fine, I won’t talk to you anymore”)
Last Friday we had time to go out for ice-cream.
Elkan had won a $10 Haagen Dazs ice-cream voucher some time back.
He generously shared it with the family.
We had much fun.
So I end up chatting more with my sons, than coaching them, or making them study.
They have so much to tell me – about their school, about their friends (or non-friends), about the trouble they are in, how they feel, what they think, a game that they played, a book that they read, and a memory that they had. Although they do not have the time (how sad, right?) but how can I say “no” to someone who is trying to pour his heart out to me?
The boys amuse me to no ends.
In the top picture, they were trying to drink water without touching their cups.
They are happy at home. They feel safe at home.
I am glad.
I don’t know whether what I have chosen to do is the best for them in the society and times they are living in. But I do think that the world has gone a bit mad. Elias said this “You have to choose between relationship and results”. How perceptive. I think so too, although the government, and many people around me believe that it is possible to have both.
Just before I stopped working, I was chatting with a friend who had a 15 year old boy. I asked her why don’t she consider doing the same then. Surely it was still a good time. She said that it was too late. Her son had apparently said to her :”You were not there when I needed you (he was referring to his primary school days). Now it is too late”.
These words “You were not there when I needed you” are still haunting me up till now.
Tomorrow’s another big day, son. Whatever it is you face out there, I want you to know that you are loved back home. We are always here for you. You can be happy here. You are certainly safe here.
Note : For Calvin and Hobbes fans. I recommend these two sites:-
– GoComics (Calvin and Hobbs) – where you can get daily doses of the comics.
– Michaelyingling – this is a search engine, where you can locate your favourite Calvin and Hobbs comics strips.
