Give them roots and wings

Last July I wrote about the Direct School Admission (DSA). This year I am going to write about it again! I have another PSLE scholar this year and I am doing a DSA for my second born too. The difference is that this time, we are successful, and we are going to accept the offer.

I call it my Great Cop-out.

For my firstborn, I felt that his DSA depended somewhat on his ability to study, since there were some pen and paper tests, and testing of their ability to solve scientific problems. For my second born’s DSA however, it is based purely on *drum rolls…* musical talents!

During this critical period of Elias life (weeks to PSLE!)
Elias and I performed again.
But it was a very informal performance.
We played a very easy piece – Minute by JS Bach
(It is such a beautiful piece of music!)
But I nearly had a heart attack, I was so nervous…
Besides that, the boys had lots of fun at home.
Elias and Samuel each made a boat
out of discarded styrofoam pieces
from their new swimming floats.

Yes, yes, I know, that is the whole purpose of the DSA – to allow children to enter a school of their choice based on special talents. But somehow it feels wrong…

Actually, I really prefer him to get into a school based purely on his PSLE scores. Somehow, I think that is the “fairest” system, and it will motivate him to work harder. I really want him to learn the lesson that “you reap what you sow”.

(Yes, I know there is a fallacy in my thinking. Education is not just about the scores. I AGREE. But I am just being honest here. I have been conditioned to think that only academic achievements matter in the sorting out of children at age 12. I do not agree with that value, but I have come to see our education system as that. I know much has changed, but the thinking my mind about our education system has not been totally transformed yet!!)

But in the end, I did not have the heart to, and that is why I call it the Great Cop-out. There are details which I do not have the liberty to share, since they are personal to my son, but suffice to say that this is a case where I feel that the consequences of his action (i.e. getting poor results and not being able to get into school of his choice because he did not work hard enough), albeit justified, are too severe for a child like him to bear. At least, I did not have the heart for him to bear it.

The reason was that I feel that I had failed my children on the academic front.

I will be the first to admit that I did not do enough to prepare my children for the PSLE.

Firstly, on Chinese. I have a good command of Chinese – but I did not talk to them in mandarin since young. It took too much effort on my part, and I did not try hard enough.

Secondly, on penmanship. I did not insist that they work on their penmanship. It was partly due to ignorance, and partly due to laziness. I did not know how much of a bad habit it will create in them, and as their penmanship worsened, their resistance to change increased, and it became too difficult for me to incentivise/encourage them to change.

Thirdly, on mental stamina. I did not do enough to train their mental stamina. Elkan has it only because he enjoys playing chess – it was mostly due to his nature, and very little nurture on my part. It is only now, when I am working with Samuel, that I realise how important that is, and how easy it actually is, to train that.

Fourthly, on the supervision and monitoring of their work. This is an issue which I did not understand till it was too late. I did not realise how incapable my children were at organising and monitoring their own work. I neither did enough to train them nor gave them sufficient help along the way. The result of this was that they were behind in their work for much of the school year for many years.

There were many study habits which we did not instill in them.

One of the reason was that we wanted them to learn to be independent and self-directed. There is nothing wrong with that. The challenge is however, knowing when to let go, and when to keep holding on. I apparently let go too early in some places, and continued to hold on too much in others.

The other reason was simply that we did not have the capacity to do so many things – to feed them well, ensure they exercise and get sufficient rest, instil good study habits, teach them biblical truths, maintain a good relationship, ensure they feel loved and connected, while trying to keep family harmony, and for me – being a good wife, daughter, friend and citizen.  There were simply too many balls to juggle, and I inadvertently dropped some, and study habits was one of them.

Therefore yes, I am planning to rescue my son from the full consequences of his own actions, because I feel that the stakes we are placing on him as a 12 year old are too high.

During the September school holidays,
my PSLE boy did work hard.
But daddy also brought them out
to the Gardens by the Bay.
Samuel likes to do everything the elder brothers do.
And Elias is a very fun elder brother to have,
because he has such cheeky ideas…
He recently told us – he may be turning 12,
but in terms of his playing,
he is like a K1 or K2 (i.e. 5 or 6 years old).
I did not know whether to laugh or cry…

I do not think that I am an incompetent parent, but I simply could not manage raising a happy, kind and confident child, who also aces his exams.

Maybe there are parents out there who can do it, but I cannot, and I have chosen to focus on other things in our family life.

I suppose the most important thing for parents to understand is this – unless you are super talented, and your child is also super talented and easy to manage – you are likely to have to make some trade-offs in your family life. Choose things which are important to you, and choose wisely, because if you are ordinary like me, you are likely to have to pay a price for your choice somewhere else. Make sure it is something worth paying for.

The most recent family outing was
to celebrate the Lantern Festival – a yearly tradition.
We had our mooncake, chinese tea and pomelo again.
This year, we added on groundnuts as well.

Anyway, I am trying to have my cake and eat it. Do the DSA. Buy myself and my son some time to instill good study habits. Perhaps in a few years time I can retire from writing complaining or confession posts about their studies, and write one about “How to raise a diligent and responsible child”.

加油my little scholar!
We are already proud of you 🙂