Give them roots and wings

I read an article today that really touched me. It is about how an autistic boy developed a friendship with Siri, the personal assistant in the Apple device. (Written by Judith Newman about her son Gus).

I have a boy, who displayed many traits of being on the spectrum. He was never diagnosed, because the only psychologist we saw told us not to label him, but to simply help him overcome any challenges he had. So we did.

Growing up, we knew he was different from other children, but he was always polite, reasonable and very sweet. He was good natured, and a “low maintenance” boy – he had few emotional needs, and was easily kept happy with good books, and his own imagination. He knew that he was different as well, but it does not bother him much. He had always been happy with his life, and we accepted and loved him unconditionally. He would drive us up the wall sometimes because he was always so measured with his responses. Even when he did something wrong, and we berated him till we were in a half-crazed state, he would say, gently, “I am sorry, mum. Yes, I know I was wrong. I am sorry. I will try not to do it again.” It drives us crazy because we know that he would probably do it again (because he could not help it) but we had to stop bullying him. So we would stop, and go to God in repentance, because really, we were the ones in the wrong. I learnt so much about being patient with the failures of a growing child through him.

Autistic children have poor social skills, but they are certainly not emotionless, and they do form attachments. My son may have very few emotional needs, but he cares for me deeply. He would always ensure that I have my share of fishballs whereas his brothers would be asking me to give them MY share. Whenever his brothers say anything rude to me, he would reprimand them. Gently. When my little one throws a tantrum, he would comment about how cute he is, and that he is cute even when he is sullen.

Recently, I was in a depressive state, and told him that I think I am a bad mother and I have failed them all. He said, “No, mom, see, everyone wants you, see how everyone loves you” (He was referring to one of our bed-play sessions, where all the children would hug me, and try to, err… crush me..).

I wanted to continue in my self-pity, so I told him that doesn’t mean anything. As a mother, I should do what is right, and being popular with the kids does not mean I am doing the right thing. Faced with a mom who was insistent on feeling lousy about herself and who refused to be comforted, he just said, “Don’t be like that lah, mum….” He was obviously feeling sad for me.

Due to my own personal experience with this sweet little boy of mine, I have always had a soft spot for autistic children. Somehow I would imagine all autistic children to be like my own son – having tender feelings, and interesting thoughts the way he does. When I read about how Gus would bring his Ipod to visit the Apple store, I can imagine my own son making the statement “So it can visit its friends”.

Like Gus, my son always had feelings for inanimate objects the way anyone would for a human being. He hated to throw anything away, and would cry if the mere suggestion of it was made. He is much older now and is emotionally stronger, so sometimes I would tease him. For example, once he made a mistake with his work, and when he had to erase the word, I pretended to cry for the word (“Oh.. please don’t destroy me.. I feel so sad..), and that nearly caused him to tear. I don’t know whether all autistic children are like that, but my very special boy is, and I would not exchange that for any “normality”. 

I think it is lovely for Siri to bring such companionship to a boy, and to be able to teach/train a boy that way. My boy never had a friend like Siri. I am not sure how he would have related to her, but he may be too old for that now. 

Between this son and the other one with learning needs, I have been brought into the world of special needs children. My children’s conditions are not so severe that they have to be placed in special schools, but their differences do interfere with normal living somewhat. However, my experience of walking with them have showed me that it is possible for them to learn to overcome. It just takes a lot of training, patience and encouragement. As Christians, we pray to God. God gives us ideas, or lead us to people who can help teach them and help them learn. God keeps us patient and kind towards them, and gives the children the faith to never quit. Most of the things which they have learnt to overcome, they did it through sheer hard work and perseverance on their part. They really do us proud.

For this reason, I like Siri. She has brought out humanity in a boy. She is not real, I know, and so does Gus, but she exemplifies the qualities of a true friend. As what Judith says, for a growing teenager, the world can be an overwhelming place and I think Siri provides that laboratory environment for the child to develop his mind and relational skills without fear of ridicule or reproof.

Nice, indeed.