I am a mum
For Mother’s Day, I decided to celebrate by writing. I have written only sporadically for the past few years, mainly because the past few years of mothering have been difficult and painful. It was not because the children have been difficult – of course they would be – that is only natural and when has mothering ever been easy? It was because I have not been coping, so there have been few inspiring stories to write.
There are two types of mothers. One type, mainly mothers of young children, can’t wait for their children to grow up, and stop needing them. Another type, can’t bear the thought of their children growing up and walking away from them. I belong to the second type. My children brought out the best of me when they were young – as a mother, I was fun, loving and kind – I loved the person whom I was as a mother. When they became teenagers, they brought out the worst of me, and through that refining fire, I came out with forbearance, patience and grace – I loved the person whom I became.
Part of the sadness I feel about seeing them grow up was the realisation that they will never understand what they have done for me and how much gratitude I feel towards them, for making me who I am.
(This is not from my kid).
I got this amongst the mountain load of Mother’s Day greetings I got yesterday.
Actually this is exactly how I feel about motherhood.
My children did not choose me as their mother
– I chose to have children and it was because of them, that I became a mother.
I made pancakes for them last morning. I sent them this message.
To all my dear children. Thanks for making motherhood such an adventure and joy!
Blessed is the woman who have husband and children to make pancakes for.
And blessed am I whose God is so amazing and cute (He knows what thrills me)
that He’d make it look like an apple or strawberry?
Another part of the sadness was knowing that they suffered while I was learning how to love them unconditionally. I worked hard at mending the relationships, but I often wondered, whether my teenagers will ever love me the same way they did when they were children again.
In one sense, I don’t think they ever will, because teenagers and adults love differently from children, who are ever so expressive and affectionate. But I am thankful for every little signs that show that they care, and for every little bit of attention they show me.
My children introduced phone games to me. These are some which I played for some time.
Plant vs Zombies; Mousehunt; Seedship. My favourite is Plant vs Zombies.
So last afternoon, because I was so fed-up with all of them being on the phone/computer,
I decided to also get on my phone and play a game (which is P vs Z).
My kids were quite thrilled.
One commented that this is the first time mum is playing a game (which is not true).
Well, I liked that attention.
During dinner, I choked while drinking water. One of them (the one who noticed) showed some concern. That made me happy (yes, I am that desperate, but I did not choke on purpose). While in the car, my son asked me why I needed to have cushions to prop me up so I said “Because I am getting old”. Then he said “You are not even halfway there, and you said you are old”. That made me happy too. (Now that I think about it, I think I am quite starved for attention :P)
Later in the night, I got a present, with a note.
So yes, I am a mum, and I will always be. Whatever the challenges may be, I pray that I will be able to handle them, because I am a mum.
