The story continues
So he is starting National Service. It was delayed for many months for various reasons, but now it comes. When people ask me about it, suggesting that this delay is a “waste of his time”, I would say: He is in no hurry to grow up, he doesn’t mind.
After all the efforts, we found that this doesn’t work fully. Oh well, they still had fun.
I think that in Singapore, we all have an ideal narrative for our children – 6 years of Primary school, 4 years of secondary school, 2 years in college, 4 years to get an Honours degree, NS (where applicable), get married, have kids and acquire your 5 Cs. The narrative changes as the educational system changes. It became more prestigious to be on the IP programme than “O” Levels although we are now doing away with it.
My children are all beyond that now, but I went through that struggle too. Not all my children are made the same and some veered far from the ideal narrative. However, after the tribulations of teenage-hood, I came away simply thankful that my children are alive and speaking to me. They are not all difficult, but those years made me re-evaluate my motivations and doubt my wisdom. My conclusion was – my motives for my children’s success are not pure and my wisdom is flawed. I must stop acting as if they are pure and enough, and give room for my children to find their own way, and for God to steer them. I now no longer hold on to any time-table for my children.
But he is a musician through and through.
This is a picture taken of grandma’s table-cloth.
He says the tune is not bad.
Sometimes I wonder whether I am “thinking-like-a-loser” (another shade of sour grapes – the grapes are nice, but maybe not everyone needs to have grapes! Some are made to enjoy other kinds of fruits.. if everyone eats the grapes, then there will be no more grapes for others to enjoy…). Here’s my confession: I tried to hold them to higher standards, shorter timelines and acted as a Tiger-mum. But it didn’t work for my kids. Maybe I did not get the right tutor, maybe I am not motivating enough, maybe I didn’t pray hard enough, maybe I did not cook the right food. So is my thinking – let the children develop according to their own time-table, wisdom or the easy-way-out? I conclude with this – it is the asking, that is more important than the answer. I must always be doubtful about my motives and wisdom because that keeps me humble and it is easier to actually gain wisdom, when one is humble.
E & I took turns to bring the kids out individually for dinners.
We have not done it for a while, but that left wonderful memories. This was a recent lunch.
After all that is said and done, I am thankful,
that I can have an enjoyable lunch with him – non-stop conversation.
At his best, he is one of the most fun person to be with, lunch or otherwise.
So I am now back at my blog. I stopped because I was struggling too much as a mother of teenagers, then because I was too busy, then because I lost momentum, then because I started fearing that people who used to enjoy my marvellous writing will discover that I have lost my touch, and my writing is not as good as before.
By the grace of God, it did.
My heart still skips a beat when the boys do dangerous things.
But I would rather my boys be daring than be scared.
But I missed writing. And I want to continue to share the goodness of God in my life. He has been good, is good and will always be good.
My personal story will end one day, but God’s story of amazing grace will continue on, through the lives of many and hopefully my boys’ too.
