Give them roots and wings

While catching up on my blogging, I pulled up this song “路要自己走” (You have to walk this path on your own). (The lyrics, English and Chinese, are at the bottom of this post).

It is a song which Samuel’s Kindergarten played at his K2 graduation ceremony last year.

It is a lovely song. It made me cry, and it is making me cry now, as I am writing this.

I am always experiencing the emotions of a parent at two levels, because I have children at different age groups. As I listened to this song, I thought of letting Samuel go at P1, and letting Elkan go, at Sec 1. I also thought about how one day, I would have to let go of Samuel at Sec 1, and that added on to the emotions.

My Sec 1, and my P1.
They love each other.
I love them.

I don’t think that parents really want their children to stay with them all their lives. I think we sincerely want our children to grow up and become independent. But as parents, we always fear that our children will fall or fail, and we want to be able to protect and love them forever.

Samuel now prefers his brother.
His brother is learning to be responsible.
They are on their road to independence.
I am proud of them.

More than that, we know how painful the process of growing really is. We ourselves went through much, before we established our family, career, and found out who our true friends were. We paid a high price for the maturity and wisdom we now have. Given a choice, we would rather spare our children all that pain. Yet, we know, that there is no short-cut to growth. True maturity comes only with struggles and some amount of suffering.

My children often tells me how difficult things are for them in school (Samuel does it less, because he is still very young, and not so aware). Things are more difficult for them, because they are quite different from their other school mates, simply because our family is quite different from other families.

As Elkan likes to say,
we have much less of many things,
and much more of other things.
Less TV, computer and tuition.
More time together, and closer relationships.
These are things we did in the past three months.
Science Centre and the movie in March.
Swimming in April.
Mother’s day lunch in May.

We did a “Room Picnic” in May.
It was in celebration of Elias’ Distinction in his grade exams.
We got him to play us a song.
We snacked, and we played Bubble Talk.
It is a hilarious game. We all LOVE playing it.

My response is always : “It’s ok. We are different. It is ok to be different. Pray. you are God’s son, His Spirit is in you. He will help you, He will show you how”.

The truth is, I do not know how to help them. They live in a different world, and in different times. But I do not belittle their struggles. It is very real to them, and indeed distressing.

The boys are allies, in many ways.
They are learning to tap on each other’s strengths
and compensate for each other’s weakness.
They can help each other navigate through school
much better than I can.
What a blessing it is to have siblings.

As a parent, I have my doubts and anxieties too, about them falling behind in their studies, about them being bullied in school, about them feeling lousy about themselves, about them not being motivated for excellence, about any negative behaviours and attitudes….

But as a mother, I cannot afford to be emotional and place my burdens on them. My burdens are mine to bear, as their burdens are theirs.

No child wants to fail, or to have a lousy life. Everyone wants to succeed. Part of loving our children, is to hold our doubts and anxieties to ourselves. We do not vent our anger, frustrations, anxieties and disappointments on them. We give them only love and encouragement.

It’s just after the SA1,
and we’ve got to hit the books again.
I tell him, that I love him no matter what his results are.
It was so when he was one, and when he fell as he learnt to walk.
It was so when he was three and when he dropped a plate and broke it.
It will be so even as he turns twelve,
and it will remain so for the rest of his life.
I will work with you, dear, so long as you want to work with me.
I am your mother.

I will continue to walk my path as a mother. I will help you, my dear sons, to walk yours.

If I can walk my path to where I am today, I am sure you can too. For God’s grace is sufficient for us.

路要自己走(一閃一閃亮晶晶 主題曲)

詞／曲／編曲／製作人：吳嘉祥    演唱：秀蘭瑪雅

我知道對你來說 這世界有一點複雜
我知道你肯付出 卻不懂該如何表達
我知道你不喜歡 成人世界的偽裝
我知道關於未來 你有自己的想法
天地萬物都有存在這世上的意義
沒有一個人有放棄的權利

我會牽著你的手 但是路要自己走
面對選擇的時候 聽聽心底寧靜的角落
有一天我會放手 因為路要自己走
失去方向的時候 記得抬頭仰望 清澈的天空

You have to walk this path on your own

I know that to you, this world is a little complicated.
I know you want to give of yourself, but don’t know how to do it.
I know you don’t like the pretense of the adult world.
I know you have your own thoughts about your future.
Everything in life has a reason for existence.
No one has the right to give up on himself.

I will hold your hand, but you have to walk this path on your own
When faced with choices, listen to the depths of your heart.
One day, I will let go (of your hand), because you have to walk this path on your own.
When you are lost, remember to look up at the clear blue sky.