I Still Do
I don’t talk to my husband much nowadays. We are going through a busy season of our lives. We do a lot of functional talking – to plan and problem solve. We still have our romancing, but that is kept to the minimal and very brief.
I think that our marriage has matured because we have matured. We have learnt to relate to each other with respect, and when we do not (relate with respect), we have learnt to forgive each other quickly and move on. We are assured of our own identity so we have very few demands on each other. We are assured of each other’s love and commitment to the marriage. Therefore, we are quite comfortable going through this season of neglect and some carelessness in the way we handle our marriage. It is a good place to be in, because it frees us to do more things.
However, there are two things I want to say. Firstly, it is not an easy journey getting here. Secondly, it is something that still needs to be maintained.
I will not say much about the first, because I had blogged about it previously.
On the second, despite what I say about our strong marriage (ahem, ahem, sorry if it sounds like boasting), nothing in life is indestructible, especially relationships. So whenever we can, we would go for long walks (during which we do things which we discourage our children from doing, like eating at Macs) and talk.
For couples who like organised programmes,
Families for Life organises lunch and dinner talks for couples,
during which they enjoy a meal together and pick up marriage tips.
This year’s Lunch Date was on 1 Mar, at TCC@Circular Road.
Yeah… I attended this session on my own.
Recently, a friend told me that if she had to do it all over again, she would not get married. She said it is too tough. My heart goes out to her, because I am sure her heart is broken. Everyone who gets married wants it to work.
Marriage is tough. I took up a modular course on family law last year, and learnt that it is not possible to get a divorce within the first year of your marriage. I was told that it is because the government knows that marriages are tough and wants you to work it out.
Where we can get it to work, marriages are beneficial, not just for the individual and the family itself, but it is beneficial to society. It is relationships which glue individuals to the larger unit of the society and nation, and there are no stronger relationships than those within a family (at least that is the way it is supposed to be, in the natural order of things).
“I Still Do” is a month long celebration of marriage,
through picnics, community talks various other lunch, tea and dinner events.
At the Lunch date, Gary said something that stuck with me: “Be a learner, when it comes to money”. I did not like to learn about money, even though I was an Ecomonics graduate. But I learnt to manage money as a wife and mother – I needed to learn to manage money, so my family can have a better life.
Are you a learner, when it comes to your marriage? My husband and I have come a long way in our marriage. But we did not do it on our own. We had friends and family members who gave us advice. We read books and attended courses. Finally, we worked things out, as individuals and as a couple. As individuals, we had to make the decision to put aside our own needs/rights for the sake of the other person, the marriage, the children and the family. As a couple, we had to make the decision to continue to communicate, to understand and help the other person understand, and choose to change and grow.
It is a daily decision, and we are still learning, and growing because “till death do us part” – right? We both made that pledge to each other. We want to be promise-keepers.
FFL still has two remaining events on 24 Mar 2018, for couples due to get married and those who are already married. Come, have some fun and romance and continue to be a learner. (Visit the Families for Life website for more details).
(Disclaimer: I was invited to the “I Still Do” Lunch Date organised by Families for Life. Photos were supplied by FFL. All opinions expressed are mine. No other monetary compensation was received for the writing of this post).
